I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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