He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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