I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You can't just leave with hair like that
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
