i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
