you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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