A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you still have your period?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
