My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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