My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
