Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
