WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
