Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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