i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
