Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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