the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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