I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize