If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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