dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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