Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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