College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
