Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
