Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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