Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize