Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize