I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
