The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize