How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
