For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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