i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
