i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize