He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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