I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
