Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
