His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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