I wish I could teleport
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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