I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
