saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
