Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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