all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
