I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
