My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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