Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
