We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
a search helicopter?!
We are two peas in an std pod
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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