To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Drunk is a universal language darling
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
