I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
