we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
