i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
