So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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