Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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