I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
