I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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