The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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