Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
