I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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