I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
