U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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