We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
