Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
