I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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