I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
