At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
