if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
