did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
