I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
