Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
