Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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