You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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