Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
4 words: hood of his car
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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