If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
