Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
