miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
